Review: I'll Be Gone in the Dark

5 stars. I knew it would be good. But I didn't expect to walk away completely awe-inspired and dumbstruck by Michelle McNamara's approach to such an incredible, sad story. She's a FANTASTIC writer and completely humble. She's a charming, relatable obsessive with a clear, true voice - a voice I will cling to, as a member of the Wikipedia generation and true crime fanatic. Her story is sad but invigorating; the type that will make you sit back and say WOW.

The case itself is fascinating - not just the study of a a man who enters homes and terrorizes couples, but the study of his methods, his victims, his hunters plus the tangible and intangible impacts of his crimes. We as readers are treated to a sort of sociological painting, including info about what California was like in the 70s and 80s, tidbits about interrogation techniques, and other delicious moments about amateur crime fighting.

It has all the elements of a great true crime book: juicy details, sinister quotes, hardened detectives, boxes of evidence, and a frank narrative. But it also, in a way I've possibly never encountered before, honors the victims - the 50+ victims of this monster. And it acknowledges the author's personal investment with endearing threads of first person storytelling. I couldn't put it down. 

I'm sure thousands of readers feel this way, and perhaps it's cliche to say, but Michelle McNamara is my type. Her dogged pursuit of answers, coupled with her determination to tell the story in the right way, warms my heart. She's sheepish, but not sheepish enough to stop; like many of us experience that drive to hit the return button one more time. This book was about him, but I can't stop thinking about her. It's a must-read for true crime fans, but also for fans of the chase, the hunt, the clues, and good people doing tough jobs. 

It's totally heartbreaking that Michelle never saw a solution to her mystery. But we can revel in the fact that her legacy is underscored by a significant contribution to the investigation. She left behind, among many things, an instant classic.

I’ll Be Gone in the Dark on: Amazon | Goodreads

Review: Educated

3 stars. Well, I'm terribly nervous to write this review. It's a captivating read, one I enjoyed for the most part, and I do not doubt Tara Westover's intelligence, resilience and courage. I can, however, see why this book is so controversial, and why the book community is weirdly polarized over its content. (Seriously, why is everyone so quick to take sides??)

Problem #1: This book was marketed poorly. Not poorly, perhaps, but inaccurately. The Westover family is eccentric, isolated and exhibits survivalist tendencies, but I would not define them as survivalists. Not to the extreme nature that the book's marketing seems to imply. Also, that cover. 

Problem #2: It reads too much like a fictional story to be received as an at-face memoir. Westover explores the unreliability of memory, especially in her footnotes and acknowledgements, but for some reason - I think it's in the way she writes dialogue - it came across as though she does in fact have impossibly perfect recollection.

Problem #3: Gaps/inconsistencies. I mean inconsistencies in the presentation; false implications beyond the book's marketing - in the book itself. She plays up the survivalist angle only to drop bombs about their family's use of phones, televisions, computers and email. Perhaps the family evolved, as families do. Perhaps the family used these things as a necessity, as I've seen Quakers do. But the fact that Westover skips over any sense of explanation, the fact that she does not draw a line or connect the dots between "survivalist" to "survivalist tendencies," smells bad.

Her lack of detailed explanation about how she made her way through college, financially, also left me confused. Not ready to make any accusations, I'm not even really criticizing her, I just feel left with a lot of questions. I'm sure it's possible to persevere as she did (or wrote she did), but the gaps make me wonder! 

I just wonder, that's all. Gaping holes don't make a story untrue, and every story has inconsistencies/biases, but that coupled with the way she writes dialogue (as though it's transcribed perfectly and accurately) is just ... questionable.

And the seemingly divine medical interventions... yes, sometimes life truly IS unbelievable. Life is fucking crazy! I just have questions. She was so detailed about some things and so vague about others.

But I truly support Dr. Westover, because it's clear she suffered. She suffered from years of abuse and her depiction of the psychological trauma is harrowing and important. There are lessons to be drawn from her story for families of all shapes and sizes and backgrounds and hometowns. Yes, I have questions, but I never for a second doubt that what happened to her is complicated and wrong. 

That should be my main takeaway, but for some reason all I can focus on is how she taught herself trig. I'm so confused.

But I look forward to seeing what she does next. I look forward to watching her story, and her education, unfold.

Educated on: Amazon | Goodreads

Review: Bad Blood: Secrets and Lies in a Silicon Valley Startup

5 stars. I can't get enough. I watched the documentary, I consumed the articles, I listened to the podcast - and now I've read the book. I couldn't put it down. This is by far the most comprehensive, thorough, insanely compelling account of what went down at Theranos and I'm tempted to start over and read it again. I squinted, I gasped, I chuckled, and I could not poker face away my expression of disbelief while reading on the train. I was not prepared for the frankly UNBELIEVABLE stranger than fiction details here. 

THIS IS AN ASTOUNDING STORY. THIS IS A MUST-READ. 

Who IS Elizabeth Holmes? Through John Carreyrou's impressive piece of investigative writing, we can indulge our fascination with her mystery. Using dry, practical writing to channel the voices of those involved, he pieces together anecdotes from her upbringing, her years at Stanford, her early days as a notably female entrepreneur and CEO, her stubborn rise to the top and her dramatic fall to the ground. He chips away at her quirky appearance - physical and otherwise - in an attempt to reconcile the trailblazer with the crime. 

And it's stunning. And it's, awesomely, not just about her.

Here we get a detailed account of Theranos' early days: its attractive mission, the early concerns and the relentless ambition. We meet the Board and the lab techs and the investors and the partners and we learn the ins and outs of lab testing technology. We learn what's possible and what's not possible and we watch open-mouthed as ignorance, denial and fear usurp rational thinking. We get to know the heroes in this story and the man who put pen to paper to make things right.

It's really a story about us. A very human story about ambition, greed, fame, fear, and FOMO. We should absolutely look at this story as a lesson, or as a collection of lessons: fill your Board with EXPERTS. Do your research. Admit your mistakes. Don't manage with intimidation - a "culture of fear" will absolutely backfire. Check your fucking ego. DON'T ENDANGER LIVES. And also oh my fucking god DON'T LIE. But as a whole it's also a heartening reminder, at least in my opinion, that journalism still works, in a sense, for the people.

I hope this comes across as fair, but it's encouraging to know that somewhere out there, ethics still matter. Even in a country that elected a sexual predator to its highest office ... rich, selfish people can still face consequences for their actions. Justice exists somewhere thanks to the lab techs and the interns and the legal underdogs. Recognizing that this story is layered and complicated, and that the case is ongoing, of course, I'll admit that seeing Theranos go down was sickeningly satisfying. Elizabeth, Sunny: you will be remembered as fraudulent fools. 

I want to go into the writing, too: it often crossed my mind, while reading, that pulling this together into an accessible narrative must've felt insurmountable at times. John Carreyrou deftly weaves together thousands of tangled, concurrent threads - including a lot of technical, scientific, medical and legal jargon plus some stuff about mechanical engineering - into a powerful pageturner. He never comes across as anything but dedicated to the truth and, maybe in some places, incredulous along with the rest of us.

I will obsessively follow this frightening story until it concludes. It's just interesting. And in the meantime, in-between the frantic Googling, I will re-read this book. I will highlight excessively and send passages to friends and family. Hats off to you, Carreyrou, for taking an incredible story and writing it well. Bad Blood is my favorite read of 2019, so far.

Bad Blood on: Amazon | Goodreads

Review: In Cold Blood

2019 CHALLENGE: 1 YOU HAVEN'T READ THAT YET?! PER MONTH 01 / 12

5 stars. This year, I decided to create and implement two reading challenges. The first: 1 re-read per month. I'm really interested in revisiting old favorites - many of them books I read as a child or a young person - and this is meant to get me out from under the pressure to consume everything new and shiny. My first re-read was The Westing Game - and it was hugely delightful.

The second challenge: 1 you haven't read that yet?! per month. There are some books out there (classics, bestselllers, Want to Read lingerers) that I just haven't forced myself to read, for whatever reason. This challenge is meant to make it happen. I had so much fun developing my lists/plans for both of these, but I'm keeping them under wraps so I can tinker/change my mind. 

My first you haven't read that yet?! is Truman Capote's In Cold Blood. I know - HOW. How have I not read this. But it's true. I finally finished it yesterday and wow - there's so much to unpack. Based on advice from my husband, I went in completely blind and resisted the urge to Google, even when my fingers itched to. I let myself absorb the story as it unfolded.

The story, as it turns out, is the story of a murder - the horrific, tragic murder of a family of four in their farm house in Holcomb, Kansas. In Cold Blood, written as the first "nonfiction novel," explores the crime from every angle. Showcasing an incredible eye for detail, Capote sets the stage with care and paints detailed pictures of each victim and each perpetrator. He examines closely the events leading up to and after the murder, placing the rippling consequences in sociological and psychological contexts. We get to know these people - the victims, the survivors, the witnesses, the investigators. By the end, we feel deeply affected by the murders and intimately familiar with the murderers.

What can I possibly say? Capote literally invented a genre here. He birthed a type of writing. It's obviously an incredible technical accomplishment, both in terms of style and approach. The level of journalistic work required must have been insane. Yes, he distorted the truth in places, created scenes where perhaps he shouldn't have, but we know that going in by now. The hype is REAL. It's a must-read.

So yes, it's a gamechanger from a methodological perspective. But it's also a profoundly emotional read. Capote was obviously the OG murderino, but I don't think even he anticipated the many complexities or the distressing twists and turns this case would take.

One thing emerged very clearly for me, a quarter of the way through the book: Capote was obsessed with - infatuated with, maybe - Perry Smith. He never excuses Smith's behavior, nor does he minimize the tragedy of the Clutters' deaths. He confronts the horror head-on, in fact, brutally walking us through Smith's cold, twisted thought process upon killing four innocent people for $40. But he's fascinated with Smith and pays distinct attention to his upbringing, his past, his family, the circumstances that led to his predicament. 

It's an almost loving portrayal, and his death feels almost just as tragic as the original murders. I finished this book after watching the Ted Bundy documentary on Netflix (Ted Bundy is having a moment), and I couldn't help but juxtapose the two killers and the forms of justice they faced. 

Killing Ted Bundy was an ultimate and satisfying consequence, because it completely robbed a manipulative psychopath of his control. That man was never going to stop. He was never going to stop hunting. He was driven almost beyond self-preservation to possess things - situations, authority figures, courtrooms, juries, women. I find myself supportive of the death penalty here as justice for his victims and as prevention of his future crimes.

Killing Perry Smith and his partner feels far less satisfying. It's just not the same. There is a spectrum here and Smith - to me, based on this book - does not land near Bundy. Like Capote, I will not excuse his actions or distract from the complete suffering faced by the Clutter family. But like Capote, I see layers here. I see reasons. I see explanations. I see circumstances beyond Smith’s ability to control.

It's a moral quandary that I won't even attempt to navigate beyond that. I am tired and my brain is squishy from considering all this. But it's beautiful that this book inspires these types of questions. In Cold Blood is truly extraordinary, and I can see why Capote struggled with it. I'm so glad I read it and I'm sorry it took me so long.

In Cold Blood on: Amazon | Goodreads

Review: Ghostland: An American History in Haunted Places

4 stars. This book gets the Quintessentially Kelly award for 2018. It has all the ingredients for a home run: history, folklore, pithy writing, and the supernatural. I couldn’t put it down, and I’m devastated it’s over. If you’re looking for answers, or proof, look elsewhere. This is a straightforward examination of the questions.

I’ve always been interested in ghosts. As far back as second grade, I remember being mocked on the school bus for reading a chapter book about a haunted house. I was one of the first - and probably youngest - visitors of the early paranormal websites. In high school, my after-school routine consisted of popcorn, root beer, and A Haunting. I love - LOVE - Paranormal Witness.

And in Colin Dickey I found a compatible soul - another individual with endless questions and endless curiosity about the supernatural. I wish I had gotten to WRITE this! Talk about a dream job. He recounts ghost stories famous and not-so-famous across the country, diving into their historical context and background, truly bringing the past to life.

While some sections get a little bland, this is nowhere near a textbook. Dickey weaves through the stories his own investigation of the philosophy behind ghosts, asking and considering questions about life and death along the way. He manages to articulate many of the feelings I’ve had about homes, hotels, hospitals, cities - and the weirdness of how we interact with these … things … concepts … impressions … wrinkles … throughout history.

Keep in mind that this is not a scary book - at least, the ghosts aren’t scary. As Dickey demonstrates, many ghost stories reflect tragedy, or times of great suffering, or a failure of justice, or harsh, human cruelty. He’s smart to include this, as it wouldn’t be an American history without it. “But this, too, you could say, is part of the American story, as we have always been people who move on, leaving behind wreckage and fragments in our wake.”

And overall, it’s deeply enjoyable. I loved the chapter on Salem, and the Winchester House, and New Orleans. Dickey debunks - almost regretfully - many of the stories, but he’s careful to leave readers with a “what if?” I came for the ghost stories but LOVED his reflections on the abstract.

“We tell stories of the dead as a way of making a sense of the living. More than just simple urban legends and campfire tales, ghost stories reveal the contours of our anxieties, the nature of our collective fears and desires, the things we can’t talk about in any other way. The past we’re most afraid to speak aloud of in the bright light of day is the same past that tends to linger in the ghost stories we whisper in the dark.”

This should be read in schools. For history or literature or philosophy classes. For fun. Turn it into a documentary, or a podcast, I just want more of this content. Fuel my obsession, please. Do I believe in ghosts? Not really. But I’m deeply interested in what ghost stories say about humans. The stories within the stories. And this book delivered.

Ghostland: An American History in Haunted Places on: Amazon | Goodreads

Review: How to Write an Autobiographical Novel: Essays

4 stars. I feel privileged to have read this. I was thrilled to read Queen of the Night and this is something equally special. Alexander Chee strikes me as one of the most honest writers out there, and the honesty of his essays in How to Write an Autobiographical Novel: Essays inspires. 

I have always been a consumer. By that I mean the opposite of a creator. I've never enjoyed writing, only reading. Its why I have a degree in English literature, not English. And I studied art history, not art. I prefer to be reactive instead of proactive. 

But the creative process absolutely fascinates me. I love reading about writing, and talking about writing, and learning how others approach the craft. And so I was deeply captivating by Chee's perspective on existing as a writer.

And, delightfully, so much more. I swam through this - floating easily at times, diving determinedly through others. I learned. Chee writes about AIDS, about advocacy, about being young, about hardship and tragedy and betrayal, about odd jobs and about 9/11 and the 2016 presidential election or, as it is simply called now, "the election."

He writes about trauma and art and the intersection of the two. I felt at times heartbroken for him, in awe of his self-awareness and resilience. I felt the relevance of his work and - interestingly, a strong sense of validation. There is a point to all this. A point to writing and reading and making art. “There's a reason that whenever fascists come to power, the writers are among the first to go to jail.” I was sad to finish. But also perhaps ... happy for him. 

I think there are many out there who would find this book meaningful.

How to Write an Autobiographical Novel: Essays on: Amazon | Goodreads

Review: Killers of the Flower Moon

4 stars. I don't know why I continue to be astounded by the sheer amount of hate and greed in this world, but it shocks me still. The depths to which people will go for money or power or to serve their own egos ... it is heartbreaking and infuriating and, in this case, tragic. An entire race targeted and murdered for money - history has taught us these lessons over and over and we don't learn. We still haven't learned.

Horror aside, I really enjoyed reading this story. With a well-written, succinct style, David Grann chronicles the Reign of Terror, a period of time in the 1920's during which members of the Osage Indian tribe were murdered for their oil money. He gives us villains and heroes and cowboys and secret agents and shocks us with the twists and turns of the incredible conspiracy. Considering how committed men were to covering up the crimes, Grann is able to tell the story with detail.

And I enjoyed that. I enjoyed learning about this untold piece of history and strengthening my knowledge of why the justice system - and in some cases, why the government - is the way it is today. Grann is honest about the widespread corruption in local politics and also, almost surprisingly, honest about Hoover's extreme bureaucratic methods in the early days of the FBI. Every thread he pulled uncovered something interesting and foreboding.

In some ways, justice was served. But my emotions and thoughts upon finishing are complex. It was a relief to read about the "victories," and it gives me a shred of hope that decent individuals exist and will continue to fight the good fight for the unseen and unheard. But there is so much anger that this happened in the first place. Another atrocity committed in my country sorely overlooked and ignored. I'm so glad I read this and learned. Everyone needs to.

Killers of the Flower Moon on: Amazon | Goodreads

Review: The Road to Jonestown: Jim Jones and the Peoples Temple

5 stars. Quite simply, the story of Jonestown is strange. It's more bizarre, twisted and terrifying than anything Stephen King could conjure or produce. A huge, collective question remains decades later as we continue to sort out the details and recover from the shock. Why did it happen?

But that's not the question I want answered. I already know why it happened. Jonestown happened because life is full of senseless tragedies and terrible people. It happened because a charismatic man succumbed to his own hubris (and addiction). It happened because people are complicated, and even those with the best intentions can be misguided. 

I picked up this book because I'm more intrigued by the how. I want to know the ins and the outs and the layers and the characters and every moment leading up to the story's horrific conclusion. I'm terribly curious - and also, very determined to honor the victims by trying to understand each and every perspective from start to finish.

Easier said than done, of course. But Jeff Guinn makes a wonderful attempt in his well-researched book The Road to Jonestown: Jim Jones and Peoples Temple. His narrative is exhaustive, and lengthy, but very rewarding for readers like me. There's no arguing that Jim Jones is frequently misrepresented by history, and Guinn leaves no rock unturned in the interest of treating him fairly.

He starts at the beginning, chronicling Jim Jones' early life in Lynn, Indiana. We meet him as an unusual child from a troubled family who practices sermons in the woods and attends every church service on Sundays. We watch him grow into a man with interests, with passion and charisma and faith and eventually, a man with a following. From Indiana to California we go, healing tumors along the way, before landing in the humid jungle of our nightmares.

Guinn is a decent biographer and exquisitely paints details that shape the story. Be aware, there is a thread here that very clearly portrays an opinion. Little comments here are there, winks and nudges and a whiff of disdain for Jones. But there is also restraint. Guinn is careful here - rarely openly critical - perhaps out of respect for Jones' family, his followers, his victims, or for history itself.

I would recommend this book for anyone interested in cults, crimes, fanaticism, religion, even just ... fascinating people. It's a murder mystery and a history textbook and a compelling portrait. I read it on my honeymoon and kept stopping to read aloud particularly crazy bits to my husband. Very in-depth, and very worth it. 

The Road to Jonestown on: Amazon | Goodreads

Retro Review: No Time to Spare

When I started this blog, I had been posting reviews on Goodreads for about 6 months. In the interest of having all of my book writing in one place, I will post one of these old reviews every Friday. They weren't written with a blog in mind, so please forgive the lack of summary and off-the-cuff tone.

5 stars. "I’ve never liked the word blog—I suppose it is meant to stand for bio-log or something like that, but it sounds like a sodden tree trunk in a bog, or maybe an obstruction in the nasal passage (Oh, she talks that way because she has such terrible blogs in her nose)."

Ursula K. Le Guin had a blog. Ursula K. Le Guin had a blog. That simple statement to me epitomizes her intelligence, attitude, and love of writing. The fact that she recognized and tried a new form of writing - in her eighties - makes her a revolutionary figure. A charming, witty revolutionary figure. And holy moly, she was so wise.

No Time to Spare is terrific. It's informal, but not sloppy. Le Guin is funny, sharp, deeply observant, and wonderful to read. She includes anecdotes, insights, musings, and more. I felt keenly her love of words and writing and literature and storytelling and poetry and questions and themes and mystery and birds and cats. I wish I had never finished it. I wish she had never finished. I adore her advice and intelligence. I will probably return to this every year - as often as I can, more likely - to learn from her.

I recommend this collection for cat-lovers, story-lovers, and grin-lovers. By that I mean, people who love to grin. But it isn't all stories and smiles. There are pointy passages about politics and history and human nature. By weaving threads of anger and fear throughout her words, Le Guin emerges as more than a skilled author. She's a kindred spirit, a wise sage, Grandmother Willow. A perceptive, grasping, sensible champion. She will be missed.

No Time to Spare on: Amazon | Goodreads

Review: The Seventh Sense

2 stars. I think the most surprising thing about this book for me was that … it wasn’t actually all that surprising. I don’t know if it’s because I read it after the 2016 election or after the Zuckerberg testimony, or maybe because I’ve really never known a world that’s unconnected, but it really wasn’t all that … enlightening. 

Now, I grew up during a time when a lot of technology was emerging in the average household, and I, like everyone else my age, asked for a cell phone, asked for a screenname, asked for internet time and was told absolutely not – I was taught, essentially, not to trust it. My parents were always vocal about the risks and the threats out there.

So the idea that the connected nature of the world must be considered at all levels of decision-making, analysis, problem-solving, etc. was not particularly groundbreaking to me. I also felt, as someone who is not interested in managing another person let alone world domination, there weren’t many actionable takeaways for an average consumer who understands the nature and the implications of this networked world and enjoys it anyway. 

I was impressed with the writing, I appreciated the historical context and the references and the quotes and the pithy phrases – it’s very accessible – and I certainly enjoyed learning and flexing my philosophical muscles – but it didn’t spark anything in me. If anything, it just reinforced something that I’ve always known but perhaps never could never articulate – to me, the author tried to package an existing thread of mainstream thinking as a revelation. The fact that the evolution of networks is omniscient, constantly evolving and should be remembered … considered … recognized everywhere is an important diagnosis, but an unoriginal one.

The Seventh Sense on: Amazon | Goodreads