Review: The Last House on Needless Street

5 stars. WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING MOTHERFUCKING MESSED UP MEMORY PALACE DID I JUST READ?! I could only DREAM of developing a story like this, let alone WRITING IT and WRITING IT PERFECTLY. I am all heart-eyes after that sublime, scary, sad, spectacular reading experience. HIGHLY recommend, and highly recommend going in as blind as possible. Normally I don't care about spoilers, but this time: AVOID THEM.

At the beginning of The Last House on Needless Street we meet Ted. Ted is struggling to keep it together in order to care for his daughter, as well as his cat Olivia. He drinks too much, can't keep a job and suffers from mysterious gaps in his memory. We know immediately that something is wrong in Ted's world, but the truth isn't revealed until we've bobbed and weaved through the twists and turns of his mental landscape. And it is a fascinating journey.

For a book that tackles such dark subjects - abuse and murder, in all their horriflying shapes and sizes - it's really, really funny. Olivia serves as a hilarious narrator with all her cat-titude and superiority. Even Ted has his moments of wry irony and... dare I say it, adorable self-awareness? The depictions of mental illness, addiction, even criminal behavior were done with astute understanding and even compassion. It all works together, in the end, like one of Ted’s ridiculous recipes.

But I can't go without praising, beyond the brilliance of the premise, the brilliance of the plotting. This is, without a doubt, one of the most perfectly paced, perfectly plotted books I've ever read. I saw nothing coming and loved it. The layers are revealed almost lovingly, and they all made perfect sense in the big picture. Nothing felt cheap or too far or too convenient. This book demands a re-read, which I may do almost immediately, because I want to bask in the awareness of what the clues mean this time.

When you read a lot of horror like me, you tend to recognize the landscape. I'm so happy to report that this book took me somewhere entirely new. I'm excited to see what comes from Catriona Ward next. (Can we talk about the US cover though? Not exactly... the choice that I would've made. Don't judge this book by that cover.)

TEAM OLIVIA.

The Last House on Needless Street on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: Chasing the Boogeyman

3 stars. Interesting! I'm not sure I would call this horror, exactly, or even a thriller... it's more like a uniquely formatted memoir/mystery. I've never read anything by Richard Chizmar before, but 10 pages in I was like ... okay, this guy loves Stephen King. And Ray Bradbury. Sure enough, he references and admires both loudly. I think that's awesome, and those authors are the absolute masters, but I wish horror authors would channel someone else every now and then, lol. It was just so obvious.

Chasing the Boogeyman is a fictional story written as though it is a new edition of a non-fiction true crime book "originally published" in the 90s about a series of murders that "take place" n the 80s. The setting, and even some of the characters, are real. The killings/circumstances are not, but that doesn't matter. It's still a strong narrative and a real pageturner. I read it in one day. Think I'll Be Gone in the Dark.

Unfortunately this didn't... really meet my expectations. It read like a slightly more elevated creepypasta, like something you'd find on r/nosleep, which isn't a bad thing, it just didn't blow me out of the water. I can't relate to the deep nostalgia Richard Chizmar felt for his childhood and adolescence, not just because I didn't grow up in a small town, but because I wasn't as, well, privileged. Bradbury admittedly looks back at the 50s with rose-tinted glasses, but at least he chose to express a profound sense of humility and gratitude over a sort of feaux-aw shucks attitude and melodramatic posturing about growing up.

Eesh, that sounds really harsh. I'm sorry! This is one of the highest rated horror books of the year, and probably deserves it for the creativity of the premise alone. The chapters about the murders were well-written - although I PICKED OUT THE KILLER ALMOST IMMEDIATELY! Why does my brain do that! I was so bummed when I found out I had been right ... I was really hoping for a better twist.

I'd better stop before I complain this into oblivion. Listen, I recommend it. I liked it! I'd like to read more by Chizmar. It's perfect for fans of King and Bradbury and true crime books. It has clever moments. I loved the pictures, as staged as they looked haha. The blending of the real and the fictional is very well done. It just didn't ... you know, thrill me.

Chasing the Boogeyman on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: Dark Histories: Season Three

5 stars. Absolutely wonderful as ever, Season 3 starts off with a bang with The Green Bicycle Mystery (a classic) and carries through with more entertaining, compelling, dark stories. Honestly picking this up was one of the best things for my brain during this anxious time and I wish I had an unlimited supply! Recommended, as always, for fans of the podcast or for fans of true crime, creepy history, etc.

Ben's writing went from great to even better in this one. I always have a favorite, and this time it was The Dodleston Messages (not terribly creepy but for some reason super fascinating/funny to me), but I also really enjoyed Death Raft and Harry Price & the Seance of Rosalie - both unfamiliar to me prior to reading. The details in Death Raft are so vivid and dreadful and disturbing I couldn't get the images out of my head for a few days and researched further.

What a time for those of us into all things creepy! Ben is like my own personal curator of the Wikipedia articles I consumed as a young person. MORE PLEASE!

Dark Histories, Season Three on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: Razorblade Tears

5 stars. Absolutely electrifying - about as real as it gets. These characters are not extreme caricatures - the real folks they're based on are just that extreme. Virginian born-and-raised here and I got goosebumps recognizing the divides - generational, race-based, minority-based, class-based, etc. - I have witnessed and experienced in this state all my life. To depict a story like this without using obnoxious symbolism, without stumbling over political tripwires, without leaning too much toward condemnation, without allowing even a whiff of insecurity over the subject matter... is super impressive. It's just a real book. It's a real thing, a real scenario. These characters, and these situations, exist.

Razorblade Tears is about two fathers, Ike and Buddy Lee, who have very little in common except for their homophobia and the fact that their sons were married to each other before they were shot and killed. Driven to work through their grief and regrets, the fathers set out to find answers and avenge the sons they never defended or accepted when they were alive. It's a book about masculinity, sexuality, race, fatherhood, loss, and fear, set importantly in the complicated Virginia south. It's also a damn good thriller.

S.A. Cosby writes with a sharpness I admire. Insanely painful subject matter aside, his word choices and frank sentences complement the tight pacing and wry storytelling. Razorblade Tears is incredibly cinematic and violent and touches the very heart of what has gone so wrong in this dreadful experiment that is America. It is written with deep understanding, sensitivity and respect for circumstances and context and for multifaceted characters who simmer with contradiction and hypocrisy, even sometimes with self-awareness. And with the capacity for growth.

That sounds like so much, and it is. Just like living here in today's day and age is so much. But Cosby manages to blend in just enough humor, lightness, and a satisfying crunchiness that reading this isn't without closure, or hope. Oh my god, it's so good. It just strikes me as a story that landed in the right hands at the right time and out came something painfully perfect. I cannot recommend it enough. Looking forward to the inevitable adaptation already!

Razorblade Tears on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: The Death of Jane Lawrence

5 stars. By far one of my most exciting reads of 2021; Caitlin Starling is officially on my radar as an incredibly innovative horror author and I can't wait to read her other work. My expectations were absolutely shattered - the thing is, everyone tries to do Rebecca. Everyone. But no one can quite get there, because Rebecca is Rebecca and that's what makes it so great. Starling knows this, so she takes the basics and slams them into a messy pulp, mixes in a touch of Vita Nostra, and pops a magical cherry on top.

The Death of Jane Lawrence opens with our logical Jane determined to pursue a marriage of convenience with doctor Augustine Lawrence. She's run the numbers (literally), and figures that he is the perfect candidate for a mutually beneficial arrangement... to be husband and wife but only in name. And then Jane meets the good doctor, and encounters a deep attraction that wobbles her carefully crafted existence. Quickly Jane discovers that desire cannot be measured, or predicted, or controlled.

Even more mysterious is Dr. Lawrence's rules: he must spend every night at his manor without her. It suits Jane just fine until an unhappy accident lands her with no other option than to join him for a night. But she finds the manor to be a woeful and neglected place, not to mention her new husband's frantic paranoid reaction to her presence there. Normally I'd stop the synopsis with that, but I'll include: as Jane attempts to navigate her new marriage under such dark circumstances, she encounters an arrogant group of doctor/magicians, a new metaphysical philosophy, impossible hauntings and terrible ghosts and a quest that takes her to the most extraordinary limits of her mind, body and soul.

A big part of my strong reaction to this book has to do with how refreshingly unpredictable it is. My heart was pounding by the time I reached the final pages. Usually I can see where things are going, you know? As a frequent reader of gothic horror it can be easy to see where twists and turns typically lead. BUT NOT THIS TIME. Nope, get ready for a wild, mind-bending, thrilling, weird ride. I absolutely loved it. What could've been heavy with tropes absolutely flew out of this world and into another.

I also loved Jane. Of course she's annoying, especially in the beginning - normally I hate characters who poke their nose where it doesn't belong. But the more I read the more I realized that Jane is a perfectly formed character who is perfectly suited to this particular journey. A lot of reviewers harped on the fact that she grew so obsessed/dedicated to a man she had basically just met - and I agree, that's a bit of a stretch. But to me it's a narrative way to demonstrate how Jane's world both narrows and expands at the same time. She prefers a controlled, logical existence, but she is drawn to the strange fire she feels for Augustine; he is an opportunity for her... plus, she's stubborn AF. Jane isn't really the type to just let things go, you know?

I wanted more, but I really appreciate the lingering questions. I can't wait to re-read this one again and again. (The writing, the flow of the words, is also really beautiful.) I cannot emphasize enough: The Death of Jane Lawrence is so much fun.

Further reading:

Vita Nostra
Jane Eyre
Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell
Rebecca, LOL

The Death of Jane Lawrence on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: You Love Me (You #3)

4 stars. I liked this one a lot better than Hidden Bodies; it’s like Joe slipped back into the game we all know and loved in You. That was really smart of Caroline Kepnes, as I don’t think this series would succeed as one long arc. I love that each book is episodic… it keeps Joe’s adventures fresh and exciting. And I think, realistically, Joe Goldberg wouldn’t be able to stay in one place for very long anyway. So he’s done New York, he’s done LA and now he’s tackling the Pacific Northwest, trying and hoping to be good and normal and as upstanding as possible for the sake of the son he’s never met. Trying. Hoping.

He meets someone new, of course. A new You. And from there we get a front row seat to his obsession as he schemes and manipulates and applies old tricks in new ways. As expected, it’s wild and refreshing and his voice is entertaining and the twists and turns keep the pages turning. There’s that itch again - that itch that makes me want to scream at Joe while knowing, deep down, in so many ways, that he’s right. His observations and criticisms are … shit, I don’t want to say valid or justified. Truthful, maybe. Honest in ways we might have trouble admitting to ourselves.

I love when books exist in a universe where other books exist - where pop culture is a tool used for humor or context or self-awareness. Here it gives the You books a sort of wry opportunity to wink at the reader… mentions of Dexter are nothing short of meta genius. Poor Bainbridge: no place is safe from Joe’s judgment. (I can’t WAIT for him to absolutely crucify Florida in the next book, but can we get one where he ends up in Washington, D.C.? I want to see Joe bitch about WMATA and mock Capitol Hill interns for wearing their badges on the weekend and rub shoulders at the Kennedy Center with the Washington Elite. I would love to see Joe in the world of politics - he’d fit right in.)

Anyway, I’m all in. Sure the ending got a little weird/rushed, but we all knew that a happy one wasn’t in the cards, right? I knew something was coming, because our dear Joe likes to work. He likes projects. I don’t see victory tasting sweet to him, or as sweet as he’d hope.

You Love Me on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: Empire of the Vampire

3 stars. Hmmmmmmm.

First of all - wow, I'm surprised this book hasn't gone totally viral on TikTok, because it is a MOOD, a VIBE, and an AESTHETIC all rolled into one. This is going to sound like a very weird observation, but I think this story would've been better as ....... a video game. The quest/D&D vibes, the visuals, the delightful side characters all sort of give off a game flavor, or something. It's also incredibly long, and it requires an active eye and an active brain because there are many details in this world that for whatever reason would not stick for me. Certain names, for example, and aspects of the conflict (the bloodlines, the various rulers, etc.). The sheer amount of scrolling back I did was unprecedented. But I stuck with it. I couldn't resist.

And yet... sigh. It was okay. A couple of things just weren't to my preference, like the non-chronological narrative. I prefer, like the protagonist's captor, for stories to be told in order. And a lot of the exposition was only thinly veiled by the aforementioned captor's requests that our narrator "explain things to him as though talking to a child." AKA, for the reader. Real subtle, there. I also tend to be a bit quick to reject stories that involve, like, the one true epic love (unless I'm reading romance, of course). This bothered me in The Name of the Wind, which is a clear and blatant influence on Empire of the Vampire.

Speaking of influences: there's so much. From Stephen King (if a character hovers at a window and says "let me in," my brain is going straight to 'Salem's Lot) to LOTR (SO MUCH LOTR... the ringbearer-I-mean-Dior should decide, the "no man can kill me" thing, references to riddle games, so much more) to HP (nice to visit the forbidden section of a library again) to the Witcher books to ASOIAF to True Blood to The Da Vinci Code to even like...the Southern Reach Trilogy and The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco (plus the more overt ones like Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles), I could detect references and borrowed elements around every corner. It's kind of fun, actually. This book knows its ancestors and pays tribute accordingly, if not a little obviously.

I will say: it took an incredibly talented, smart, dedicated, rock star of a writer to craft this story. Next to other high fantasies, the worldbuilding is there. The tropes are there, applied adorably and with delight. But where the writing is very beautiful and the the themes compelling, there's something a little ... immature about this book. One reviewer stated that the characters seem like "caricatures designed for specific fandoms," and I could not agree more. Listen, Mr. Kristoff is a very famous, successful author with a passionate following, and I wouldn't blame if he... used what he's figured out works, if that makes sense.

I've heard other reviewers call this book out for male posturing, or criticize the swearing/bawdy humor. Maybe that's part of what I felt was immature, although typically I don't find that sort of thing offensive or bothersome (although a couple of the period jokes made me pause). I would also say that perhaps there are some pacing issues. Perhaps with plotting, as well. Again, the flashback-flashforward storytelling device is NOT my favorite, but in this case I think I can objectively say it weakened the flow a bit.

I don't know if I'll read the next one. To be honest, I spent a lot of this book miserable alongside the characters. There are victories, to be sure, and warm moments, I suppose, but the story in this book primarily involves loss - or the anticipation of loss. The dread of loss. Loss of innocence, faith, love, loved ones. Things going wrong, over and over and over again. I don't know if I'd want to put myself through that again. Oh, and trigger warning: animal death. I'd dock a star for that regardless.

I have the utmost respect for Jay Kristoff and his success is well-deserved. He's such a talented writer and I love that people love this book. I'm just not one of them, today.

The illustrations get 5 stars.

Empire of the Vampire on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: The Turnout

3 stars. My least favorite Megan Abbott, but mediocre Mabbott is still 80% better than a lot of the books I read. I think fans of Sarah Waters, and maybe Lauren Groff, would love this one. It's chewy and yummy in all the ways you'd expect - plus there's that special bitter Megan crunch. I love the way she writes women, and girls in high-pressure situations. She's really brave and ruthless when it comes to that sort of thing.

The Turnout features what, after reading her deep dives into gymnastics and cheerleading, Abbott's highly anticipated (by me) exploration of ballet - the cutthroat, obsessive way ballet dancers strive for perfection and the brutal journey they take to get there. Dara and her husband Charlie own a successful studio along with Dara's flighty twin sister Marie, but everything is thrown off balance when they need to hire a contractor for renovations. Not to sound too bleak about it, but his entrance causes confusion, chaos and tragedy to bleed from their personal lives into their professional world, all against the backdrop of rehearsals for the ultimate ballet performance: The Nutcracker.

Here's what I really, really liked: the idea of ballet as a dark fairy tale. Also, the theme of appearance vs reality - how something beautiful can be rotten, or painful underneath. The cost of magic, is maybe one way I'd put it. The somewhat realistic depictions of dancer's lives and careers... and the twisting of The Nutcracker's plot into something delightfully dark and sinister and adult. And the way she writes about lust and desire - specifically female lust and desire - and the often impossible battle between what your head wants and what your body wants.

Onto the meh: all of Megan Abbott's books feature implausible premises, but this one went a little too far in a direction that left me less than thrilled. I'm super happy she leaned into the sex of it all, and I'd love to see more of that from her, but some of the writing was noticeably melodramatic for me and ... I don't know, this one just didn't hit very hard. I wasn't particularly surprised by any of the twists, though I loved the ending.

But honestly, pay no attention to the 3 stars. Give this one a go, it's an incredible thriller and Megan Abbott is still an absolute favorite.

The Turnout on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: Matrix

4 stars. Wow. What a gorgeous, breathtaking, handsome novel. Matrix is short but packs a huge, hefty punch. I thought Fates and Furies was just okay, although I noted in my review that I looked - still look - forward to seeing how it'll be studied for years to come. I liked this one much more. Lauren Groff braids three things - her incredible mastery of language, detail-rich research and an ability to articulate the squeezing, painful reality of being female - into one captivating strand of a story. She has written something akin to the Wolf Hall trilogy, but with no men; a sophisticated, emotional, accessible form of historical fiction that will enthrall and inspire readers... mothers and daughters and sisters especially. Again, no men. There isn't room for men in this story. It is full and rich and clean enough already without a dick spoiling the pot.

Matrix tells the story of Marie de France, unwanted child of royalty in the 12th century - as ungainly and awkward as she is intelligent and fierce. Sent by Queen Eleanor of Acquitane from France to an abbey in England, Marie must accept her new home, impoverished and uncomfortable as it is, and as acceptance takes hold, so too does ambition, and hunger, and interest, and a desire to improve not only her situation but the situation of those around her. As prioress she transforms the abbey not only into a powerful, groundbreaking institution but also a home for herself and others lost - a safe haven for women who otherwise would have no agency in a society designed to suppress them. Following her visions and desires, Marie finds love and success and above all a sense of identity and purpose rarely allowed for or wielded by women in history.

I found this to be a deeply moving, elegant story. Groff's research only elevated it, in my opinion - there's no showing off here, no distractions; only a graceful weaving of details that made things more interesting. Marie's character arc was masterfully done and believable, as were the arcs of her sisters. On a personal note, I could not be less religious, but I've found myself really attracted to convent life on more than one occasion (the routine, the simplicity, the hard work, the discipline, the common purpose) and this did nothing to dissuade me. That type of life, when chosen by the right person (emphasis on chosen) seems beautiful. I am of course looking at it through a distinctly modern lens... actually, let's avoid relativism for now. I'll argue with myself later.

A surprising page turner, considering its length. I highly recommend it. You know, being a woman... well, alive today, is desperately shitty. This book didn't make it any less shitty. But it added colors and layers to my lifelong quest to figure out what it means and how to live with it and how to manage the unbearable. Beyond worthwhile, for me.

Matrix on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: My Heart Is a Chainsaw

5 stars. Every time I finish a SGJ book I gasp. Then I cackle loudly in utter delight like an evil villain. His are the books that leave me unquestionably, thoroughly, deeply (and disturbingly?) satisfied. He's so, so, so, so, smart when it comes to writing these dark, heartfelt tributes to the horror genre and this one has to be up there in terms of my personal favorites. Jade has a fantastic voice and I really felt - and rooted - for her, in all her fierce and colorful glory. There's something so beautiful and emotional and touching about this story, something I recognize now as distinctly SGJ. It surprised me in The Only Good Indians, but I dove in ready here. Fucking legendary, mate.

My Heart is a Chainsaw... well, let's see. It's about a girl named Jade, failed and forgotten and feisty and a huge fan of horror. Slashers, specifically. They give her comfort and offer an escape from her small town life of poverty, betrayal and hardship. She's lonely, with only Michael and Jason and Freddy to keep her company. She uses the narratives and tropes she knows and loves so well to frame her own world and narrate her life, much to the amusement and judgment of her teachers, family and local law enforcement. She's seen an outcast. A loner. A weirdo.

But then something starts happening in her town. Suspicious deaths. Blood in the water. And Jade starts to sense that her love of slashers, her knowledge of the rules and the twists and turns, have landed her in a uniquely suited position to actually deal with one that is actually happening in front of her. All the ingredients have landed: the final girl, the red herrings, the blood sacrifice - now it's up to Jade to nudge things along. And nudge she does, till we hit one of the most electrifying, gruesome, heart wrenching third acts I've ever read.

SGJ understands why the father and son dinner table scene is so crucial in Jaws. My Heart is a Chainsaw is an incredibly graphic slasher, with terrible monsters and even worse humans. And there's as much deep emotional agony as there is gore. It's a scary book, but at its center there's a pulsing human heart, an unapologetically fierce Final Girl (whether she wants the label or not) who desires connection and acceptance. Under all the creative kills, the bloody backstories, and the twists and turns, Jade makes us care, and care strongly.

Even the more superficial elements are not to be ignored. SGJ absolutely saturates this novel with slasher film references, which was super, super fun for me. I've spoken before about how I'm not just someone who enjoys consuming horror; I also like reading/learning about horror, so this kind of felt like the perfect marriage between... I don't know, Stephen King and the In Search of Darkness movies on Shudder. This is my language, okay?! But he also takes a lot of the tropes and makes them sort of gorgeous and surprising again, meaning this work of metafiction is not just clever but also rich and vivid and infused with warmth. THAT ENDING.

Alright, I'm off to daydream about canoes and black cloaks in bathroom stalls and machetes. As one does.

My Heart is a Chainsaw on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads