Review: Gothic

3 stars. Horror about horror writers irks me a bit - Stephen King does it (and everything else) well, but think like... Kill Creek, or that one episode of Creepshow about the hat - eerily similar to this book, actually - these premises, they smell like... stale desperation, and maybe even a little resentment. I get it - writing is fucking hard!! the pressure!! the reality of it!! sounds pretty horrific!! - but I've read or encountered enough of these premises that I react almost like ... yeah, I get it. Writing is fucking hard, the pressure of it, the reality of it, yadda yadda yadda. Sure, why not, let's go meta with it. Fine. You were staring at a blank page, so you developed a concept around staring at a blank page. Girl, I guess so. 

This book is about an evil, murderous desk. Acquired by an aging, formerly best selling horror author - after being hunted down and chased by various evildoers and powerseekers over the centuries - the desk wreaks havoc on the author's life, career, and relationships. Previously some sort of sacrificial altar, the desk uses the author for its nefarious purposes and spreads its darkness and damage throughout society.

A few things that also really grated: the female characters, the try-hard humor in the inner monologuing of every character, the commentary on romantic relationships, the oddly-placed sexual references (as well as some of the other instances of, shall we say, low-brow jokes - not against them in general! Just when they give me the ick), and the excessive use of figurative language. There is also some pretty seriously awful fatphobia. Maybe this stuff was meant to be a throwback to the pulps from the 70s/80s, but it fell really flat for me. And structurally, I think this could've been better as a short novella, or a much longer, expanded, epic saga, with fleshed out characters and longer arcs.

All that being said: sometimes you just really need a bloody, angsty, feudal, vengeful, crazy, twisted, disgusting, basically classic piece of horror. Just the usual stuff - soaked in a delicious type of inky evil that's fun if not fresh. A fun horror beach read, if, like me, you enjoy reading the dark stuff in the sun.

Gothic on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads