Review: How to Sell a Haunted House

5 stars. This is by FAR my favorite Grady Hendrix book - irresistible, campy, fresh, full of darkness and depth and emotional triggers. I absolutely loved it. I went in almost totally blind and I know it's nearly impossible at this point, but try if you can/if you dare. Read it in 2 days. Couldn't put it down. And it actually gave me the creeps, which is more than I can say for 99% of other horror books I read.

It's a masterful use of tropes: Louise, single mom and separated from her family, gets the call that both her parents have died in a car accident. She has to leave her daughter and return home to make arrangements - and almost immediately runs aground thanks to her troubled brother. As they navigate their grief and fight over assets, something becomes very clear: their parents' house is haunted. 

Broad strokes? It's a little predictable. But the moment-to-moment journey is sheer, crackling, creepy, breathless chaos. The minute you realize something is wrong - really, really wrong, like more wrong than facing the horror of losing loved ones - it feels like a joyful punch in the face. And it only gets better from there.

I personally have never had an aversion to clowns or puppets or dolls, but I totally get why others do, and now I get it EVEN MORE. Omg the attic noises ("soft thumps") and the descriptions of the dead eyes and mischievous smiles and the whole damn thing from idea to premise to execution was pretty much perfect. Grady Hendrix's writing really reminded me of Stephen King in this book, with a better sense of humor. And yeah, it's fucking hilarious.

I borrowed this from the library but will purchase immediately so my person can read it (he is one of those people who does really hate dolls) but he'll also love it. I'm sure many reviews will touch on the trauma aspect of it all - childhood trauma, trauma as an adult, trauma as a parent, the trauma of having parents who are just damn weird (raises hand) - and definitely read all that. It's important and lends to the brilliance of the story. But I think I'll just keep sitting here cackling with glee over what a fucking fun ride that was.

How to Sell a Haunted House on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: Wounds

5 stars. I'm really excited about this. Ever since I was a kid, I've really loved books that make me feel a sense of possibility, or maybe it's like... an open creativeness. Innovative storytelling. It took me ages to get through all of the stories, but that shouldn't reflect poorly on them (I quit my job!); in a way they have sort of served as perfect antidotes to all the life stress. I love horror, and I especially love horror about hell.

The Atlas of Hell - starting off with an absolute southern noir banger. I was into this instantly and couldn't take my eyes away.

The Diabolist - the least memorable of the stories for me, but very cute and the way he unfurls this world is just fascinating and well-done. 

Skullpocket - somewhat sad, to me, but also darkly funny? This one had me settling in and really learning what to expect from him.

The Maw - I can't review this because I skimmed it. Was basically crying immediately. TWs, people! From what I could gather, it's pretty genius in an evil way. 

The Visible Filth - he writes New Orleans perfectly, I think. Solid premise, excellent execution, nearly perfect ending. This is probably the one that will stick with me. 

The Butcher's Table - Pirates of the Caribbean in hell! The crossover I never knew I needed until now. This story surprised me with its depth of emotion and humanity. Cosmic and otherworldly and epic but also grounded in feelings such as fear, love and acceptance. Also absolutely, incredibly beautiful. Some of the imagery took my breath away.

I think it's really important - I should say, to my personal enjoyment of a story - to strike a balance when writing cosmic. Similar to the purpose of the dinner table scene in Jaws, if you're going to go big and wild and crazy and out there, you need a tether to something. Ballingrud does this in a way that feels almost effortless. I felt comfortably strapped in for this creative roller coaster ride.

Plus it contains so many of the things I love: New Orleans, iron boxes, grand entrances, creepy candles, evil cell phones, dark carnivals, rbar fights, redheads...

Highly, highly recommend.

Wounds on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found

5 stars. Okay. Thinking through things, I guess it's fair to say that the end of 2022 got really challenging and I really lost my mojo, so to speak. I'm exhausted. My brain is still kind of in recovery mode, operating in fits and starts and not at all at full capacity. I'm still reading Wounds and loving it, but in a moment of sheer panic I picked up this throwback and absolutely loved it.

For many recent years, this book flew around in the back of my mind, but I couldn't remember any specific details. Finally I Googled something like "young adult novel comic book uncle rat margaret" and the internet delivered. I bought a second-hand copy from a library immediately. Between Top Gun and Willow and National Treasure, there's a lot of delicious nostalgia to go around, and this was no different.

This is kind of a classic coming-of-age story about a girl named Margaret and her younger sister Sophie. After their father died in a horrible drowning tragedy a few years ago, their mother sunk into a deep depression (depicted fairly and sensitively) and the family exists on a sort of quiet, day-to-day survival basis. Then, one day, their mother piles them in the car and they drive to an old mansion in the middle of nowhere and stick a for sale sign on the lawn. Margaret and Sophie are spooked and curious and decide to follow the clues to find answers about the house and their dad, and end up making a few friends along the way.

Like I said, I loved it. It's vivid and funny and creative and fresh, with wonderful characters and unpredictable plotlines. I think it stuck with me for all these years because it's really spooky, too. It obviously tickled my interests back then as it would now. I adored the ending. The book contains a few comic book illustrations and they are delightful. Little Kelly had excellent taste.

How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: Slewfoot

5 stars. My first Brom and definitely not my last. The Witch meets Pan's Labyrinth with a splash of Clive Barker, maybe. This book is an absolutely delicious horrific fairy tale that showcases brilliant, vivid writing and a fierce female protagonist I loved. It's not exactly subtle with its teachings or its lessons, but once I embraced the flying brick approach I truly enjoyed myself.

Life for young Abitha in the New World is hard - the land is tough to manage, debts are mounting, winter is coming and the pressures of Puritan society are impossibly stifling. She and her husband are just getting by when her brother-in-law decides he needs their land to pay of his own debts. But there's something about the land that nobody knows: something ancient, underground... something that's waking up.

As the summary says, enter Slewfoot. Powerful and broken, this horned creature stumbles back into the world with nothing but confused memories and an awareness of his own great power. Drawn to Abitha and the abilities inherited from her mother, together they delight in the bounty their power creates and discover its terrible cost.

Editor's note: at this point in writing this review the author became deathly ill with a mystery non-Covid illness that will now be known as knife throat. 6 excruciating days of fever dreams and not swallowing later, she returned to her drafts to find the below bullet points which she intended to turn into paragraphs but decided to leave as is.

• Power is a big theme in this story and it is terrifically explored.

• Brutal twists and turns.

• Fantastically satisfying ending.

• Down with the patriarchy.

I think that pretty much sums it up.

Post-knife throat note: I bought a book of Brom's art and can't look away. Highly recommend for interesting background, including his experience painting for games.

Slewfoot on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: The Necromancer's House

5 stars. I am obsessed with this book. I had to re-read the first couple of chapters because of life getting in the way, but once I fell down the rabbit hole there was no climbing back out. I was absolutely gripped by the story and the writing… I thought about it when I was falling asleep and when I woke up in the mornings. I’m considering re-reading it immediately. I can see this book wiggling its way into my life and inspiring references, returns to highlighted quotes, maybe even passwords. I’m definitely about to buy it for myself in all formats.

Andrew Ranulf Blankenship (excellent name) is a skilled user of magic and recovering alcoholic. He has - inadvertently, it seems - developed a sort of found family consisting of other users and the creatures and demons brought about by his spells. When an associate (poor choice of words but you get the drift) of his kills a Russian man, his mother - who turns out to be a very old nemesis of Andrew’s - comes to America for revenge. 

And this particular brand of revenge is… brutal. Andrew’s friends are severely threatened or picked off one by one in fantastically unique, magical ways. It reminded me of a slasher at times, because I was always ready and waiting for the next creative kill (as painful as they were). In fact most of the book is, essentially, Andrew’s enemy winning, and Andrew barely surviving at great, great cost. It’s a little too brutal at times.

But the writing - oh man, so good. Reminded me of Stephen King a little bit, with its incredible dialogue and clipped sentence structure. Was better than Stephen King at times, with its pacing and plotting and intentional weirdness. King is great at weird; Buehlman is superb at weird. Nothing about this apparently complex world of magic was too difficult to grasp. Everything unfurled in a brilliantly comprehensible - enjoyable - way.

I do want to point out one little fact that had me screaming in joy: this book scared me. Actually scared me. I read a ton of horror and watch a ton of horror and I’m always looking for the next thing that’ll make me feel something, really feel something, for once. And this book got me there. (For anyone curious: it was the scene where Andrew and Anneke are watching the infected video tape.) It also made me cry. 

Let’s talk about that, because around here it’s pretty obvious that I can’t handle a certain type of animal death which is really any type of animal death. It’s partly just an annoying trigger, but also there’s so much of that in horror it almost feels tired, like authors are taking the easy way out or clear advantage of a common and obvious fear. There’s a reason why it’s a trope, but the way it’s utilized often feels bothersome - unnecessary - to me. Which is why I typically dock a star for the UDD (the unnecessary dog death). 

I sensed this one coming, and immediately fast forwarded the next three pages of my Kindle, but it was too late. I caught enough of it to start tearing up, and then really crying, on a plane of all places. It’s gotten worse since I got a dog myself. Just tears and tears and tears. And every time I thought about after - tears. I got worried I wouldn’t be able to write this review because I felt so sensitive about it. And so in this case, I really had to think about the utilization of the trope. Was it necessary? Was it done for the sake of being shocking, or did it truly have a narrative purpose? Another example of a tricky one would be The Shining Girls. IYKYK.

At the end of the day I can’t dock a star. It’s too brilliant and too amazing and isn’t it a testament to the writing that I felt so incredibly crushed and exhilarated by Sal’s bittersweet ending? He teased it so many times, he warned us, we knew it was coming. And he twisted the blade there, and oh no… now I’m crying again.

Thank you for sitting through that with me. You’ve been warned. ANYHOO, please, please read this book. I am more and more convinced that this is a fundamental text of horror - a must-read for anyone looking for something refreshing, funny, scary, creative, and deeply, deeply real, at times, for a book about magic. It’s a book for anyone struggling - for anyone who feels like life keepings throwing them punches, one after another, punches of loss, addiction, regret, guilt, rejection… for anyone who feels like punching back for once. The ending is quite satisfying, in that sense.

The Necromancer’s House on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: Bone White

5 stars. Might re-read this immediately. Wintery supernatural small town horror is such a huge turn-on for me and this one checks all the boxes.

The bare bones are this: Dread's Hand is an isolated mining town in Alaska with a dark history and bad vibes, and it's where Paul Gallo's twin brother went missing over a year ago. When a serial killer from the Hand confesses to his crimes - along with the location of his buried victims - Paul wonders if his brother is among them. So he travels across the world to find out, following his instincts and the strange connection he and Danny always shared. The Hand offers very few answers and Paul grows more and more desperate, and then terrified, as he begins to connect what happened to his brother and what haunts the woods around the town.

Difficult to summarize, because there are many layers to this story... layers of history and folklore and side treks that don't go anywhere. There is Paul's investigation, and the law's investigation, which both lead to discoveries that tangle up things further. Scary symbols, eerie connections, etc. And there's a journalist with some crazy but helpful stories, and the flu is going around, and some creepy masked kids are causing trouble, and the church was built over a giant sinkhole, and the "Inn" only has one room, and winter is coming. The crosses, so good. The whole thing is really just a vibe.

A couple of minor complaints: some sequences drag on too long, some details are a little too on-the-nose (I adore a creepy town name but this one felt a bit forced), and I could never really connect with Paul as a protagonist. Minor, minor, minor. I couldn't put this down and I absolutely loved how wacky and delicious and OTT it is. Paul's journey ... ugh, so satisfying. The premise, the lore, the showdown... the tropes I know and love are fresh and fun here. Highly recommend.

Bone White on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: The Bear and the Nightingale (Winternight Trilogy #1)

5 stars. Everything I was promised and more. I am so buzzed off this story, despite the fact that it took me fucking ages to read. I blame that on a very intense job transition... the last month or so has left me barely alive, let alone functioning normally. I will absolutely not be meeting my reading goal for this year, nor will I be even up to what I usually read, numbers-wise. That's life. But I'm so glad to have read this incredible book that is warm and cold at the same time, in all the best ways.

There's enough hype out there so I'll forego a summary, but if you've been living under a rock (in which case, I'm sorry you emerged into the world when you did - read this book, it'll help), The Bear and the Nightingale is an atmospheric fairy tale that braids together threads of Russian folklore, magic, a little history, a fiery, feisty heroine and an ice cold frost demon. It's classic good versus evil set against a fascinating backdrop of religious transition.

There are some elements to this narrative that are unusual or could seem a little confusing. The pacing is very atypical and the character arcs are also unpredictable. In that sense it tastes a little less like a traditional fairy tale even though it smells like one. But I'm a huge sucker for religious transition, as I said ... give me alllll the clashing of beliefs resulting in allllll the social, economic and personal consequences! Bring me the tension between the old and the new! Bring me a protagonist who rejects them both!

I've been really into Katherine Arden's story for a while - not to be creepy - and I'm so happy that her writing matches my impression of her as interesting, capable and talented. Everything about this: the word choice, the flow, the imagery, the premise, the descriptions of winter... all of it has strong appeal. I cannot emphasize enough how unnecessary my stamp of approval is at this point (at any point really), but here it is. Approved. More, more, more, more, please.

The Bear and the Nightingale on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: Boy Parts

5 stars. What a perfectly electric companion to A Certain Hunger. I need to think about this one some more, but I can safely say it'll land on my list of Kelly Choice Awards for the year. Maybe even top 5. Reading this was just ... a really fantastic experience. Highly recommend for fans of American Psycho, Maestra, maybe even Tampa. Absolutely nails the snooty art world; absolutely nails the bad art friend mood/vibe/aesthetic.

Boy Parts is about a young photographer named Irina who destroys everything in her path. Interested in fetish photography, she is fueled by sheer, alcohol- and drug-fueled chaos; manipulation; reckless behavior; unhealthy relationships; non-consensual interactions; neglected friendships; trauma; toxic emotions; vibes that push the envelope beyond irresponsible and towards criminal, or insane, behavior. I knew the ending was going to be vague and surreal - so in that sense it was a little predictable - but I really loved it. Crunchy. Didn't want a drop of alcohol after putting it down lol

It's a little terrifying how real the correspondence felt in this book. The text / email conversations made me shiver and cringe like I was living them. The party sequences were especially vivid and there was one particularly shrewd part (the chapter with the plastic surgeon when Irina muses about what's actually natural) that will stick with me for a long time. I love that theme: what is real or natural or unreal / unnatural and does anything actually mean anything? Oh yeah. Gets a little existential, in a very entertaining way.

That's it. That's all I'm going to say about this thing. Go read it. It's wild.

Boy Parts on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: Girls Who Lie (Forbidden Iceland #2)

5 stars!! This is shaping up to be a great small town mystery series. Better than the first, Girls Who Lie is a perfect combo of psychological thriller + crime novel and I loved learning more about Elma - she's so easy to root for. Made me miss Iceland a lot. It's the best. Would be a really interesting, challenging place to live.

The mystery in this is actually a bit similar to the first, with more of a Megan Abbott twist. After a single mother goes missing, everyone assumes that she has killed herself following years of depression, alcoholism and neglectful parenting. And then her body is found - turns out she's been brutally murdered - and the police department's investigation unravels a super tangled knot of false accusations, mistaken identities, and painful family relationships.

It doesn't sound super exciting when I put it that way, but this is a real page turner and the plot kept me guessing all the way through. I made a couple of assumptions that were all totally wrong, and I absolutely love it when that happens. Sure all the tropes are there, but they're familiar in a good way and the employment of them is charming - even the will they-won't they, which didn't distract at all from the main thread of the mystery. Even the twisted mother archetype, which has been explored from a lot of angles by now.

All I can say is that I recommend this series and I can't wait for the next one. And I really, really want an Icelandic hot dog. With the works.

Girls Who Lie on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: The Golden Wolf (The Golden Wolf Saga #3)

5 stars. This is officially one of my favorite trilogies of all time. I'm definitely, you know, into Vikings (and I've come at them from a couple different angles), but you wouldn't have to be to enjoy this intense, captivating story. These characters read as so real and layered and warm and earnest they feel like family. The women, especially, are wonderfully distinct from one another - mysterious and complex and intelligent and flawed as the women I've known in real life. (And the men... well, you know, are men lol.)

This is one of those stories that includes the big - the battles, the betrayals, the epic journeys - and the small - everyday chores, concerns, homely details. Don't go into it expecting a fight scene in every chapter; it's so much fuller and richer than that. You can definitely expect relationships to thicken and thin as time goes by, and a lot of time has gone by since Ragnvald became half-drowned. I think we all knew where this story was headed, but that makes it no less heartbreaking.

I have to say this might be my least favorite of the three, only because I hate goodbyes, and I never quite felt fully accustomed to new characters like Freydis and Einar. I almost felt more affection for Harald, who is so powerfully constant... and constantly powerful. Even Svanhild, though, who was my favorite character in the series, felt a little wrong here... stubborn in the wrong ways, I think. But I completely trust in the author's choices and admire the way she concluded these people's stories so much.

Oh man... I just love her writing so much. I hope she's working on a Part 2 or an equally immersive work of historical fiction. These books provided true escapes during truly hard times and I can't believe they're finished.

The Golden Wolf on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads