Review: The Perfect Nanny

4 stars. OH THIS WAS SO NASTY GOOD! Juicy, tangy, bittersweet, refreshing - totally quenched my thirst. I don't know why I resist books like this - The Silent Patient, Girl on the Train, etc. - I think it's because I find them predictable. I enjoy them, though! I love these little popcorn page-turners! Read this in one sitting on a flight and closed it with an evil grin.

The Perfect Nanny opens with two dead children. The first chapter is a montage of painful details: a mother's scream, the injuries inflicted, the shocked reactions of onlookers. It's tragic and twisted. And then we zoom out and back up and focus on the events leading up to the murders: Myriam, a young, suffering mother decides to go back to work and hires Louise. Louise is perfect. She cooks and cleans and cares for the kids. Until she goes insane and kills them (this isn't a spoiler).

One of the many strengths: not a single character is flat. We are treated to Myriam's deepest thoughts - including the dark stuff. The author really captures her very relatable postpartum stress, her distrust of other women, her complicated identity crisis that inevitably accompanies motherhood. Motherhood is a difficult, spiraling Thing that fucks with your emotional core, your very sense of self, and the portrayal here is refreshing.

And we are treated somewhat to Paul's perspective, as well. In fact, the marriage here strikes me as pretty realistic: imperfect, full of cracks, but not broken. And other perspectives are sprinkled throughout: Louise's fascinating landlord, her estranged child, her dead husband - each character is detailed and treated with care. And then there's Louise (I WANT TO KNOW MORE!) and her captivating descent into madness and obsession.

But seriously, I want to know more. I think I'm docking a star because Louise actually seemed a little - empty. Not flat, but not like funny, cracking, absurd, SPARKLY Annie Wilkes, you know? As far as baby killers go, Louise lacked a little ... something. She struck me as very sad and very closed. She still gave me chills.

Okay, it's way past my bedtime and I'm ending a 16+ hour travel day. My brain is scrambled. But I RECOMMEND THIS! I wish I understood French - I bet the original is spectacular.

The Perfect Nanny on: Amazon | Goodreads

Review: A Walk in the Woods

5 stars. Recently, I blew up my life. I decided to quit my toxic, incredibly unhealthy job and travel through the end of the year. I just returned from my first trip, and man, has it been worth it so far. Worth it, and also incredibly challenging. But that's partly why I'm doing it - I want to face the anxiety, solve problems on my feet, and power through it.

My supportive partner gifted me this book on my last day of work. I'd never read it, and he knew it'd be appropriate and helpful. I didn't realize it would be so charming, funny, and heartwarming! I've known about Bill Bryson for years (he was a fixture on the coffee table in my childhood home), but for some reason resisted. Now I'm obsessed!

A Walk in the Woods is a sort of single experience memoir, written by an intellectual, hilarious dude who decides to hike the AT. The Appalachian Trail is a subject close to my heart. I'm a Virginian, an introvert, a nature-lover, and possess that singular bit of crazy that makes me want to push myself and do it, knowing it'll suck. Maybe one day. After reading this, CERTAINLY one day. Watch me.

Bill Bryson documents his experience with wit and delight, dropping fascinating tidbits on the history and wildlife in the places he visits. He never shies away from the reality of it all - acknowledges the strangeness of trying to conquer the trail - and identifies the true and natural beauty of this country as a reward.

I particularly enjoyed his descriptions of the meditative rhythm of walking.

"There is no point in hurrying because you are not actually going anywhere. However far or long you plod, you are always in the same place: in the woods. It’s where you were yesterday, where you will be tomorrow. The woods is one boundless singularity. Every bend in the path presents a prospect indistinguishable from every other, every glimpse into the trees the same tangled mass. For all you know, your route could describe a very large, pointless circle. In a way, it would hardly matter."

Sounds like absolute heaven to this burned out girl. I’m so tired of complexity.

I also loved his happiness in experiencing simple pleasures: restaurant food, soda, a shower. "Low-level ecstasy" is my new favorite phrase.

There are a lot of lessons to be drawn from this book, as many have done and will do so a lot more articulately than I. But I think it's important to note that this is an important read, for folks of all ages, of all nationalities - nature lovers, nature haters, hikers, non-hikers, East Coasters and West Coasters and everyone in between. We must protect our planet. We must simplify. We must respect nature. We must revel in it. We must embrace our strange and wonderful instincts to push ourselves through the mud and the rain and the snow even if we don't - especially when we don't - reach our goals. And we must laugh along the way.

A Walk in the Woods on: Amazon | Goodreads

Review: The Run of His Life

5 stars. This is an epically-written, well-researched, carefully thought out narrative retelling of O.J. Simpson's crime, trial and aftermath. Instead of setting out to prove O.J.'s guilt (there's really no need), Toobin takes a deep dive into why he wasn't found so by the court. Beginning with the tragic murders and moving chronologically through the verdict, Toobin successfully navigates the many answers to that question: the sociological factors, including historical and regional context, the power and weirdness of fame and celebrity worship, the flaws of the justice system, the distinct and distinctly damaging personalities involved... and here we truly do have a fascinating constellation of characters caught in O.J.'s orbit.

It's true that Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman - the victims - typically aren't honored appropriately in any discussion of this crime or case. Ron Goldman, especially, is a virtually absent character in all the news stories, documentaries and trial analysis. And while Toobin could have dedicated plenty of words to Nicole and Ron's lives, rather than their deaths, that's not what this book is about. He does, to the best of his ability, emphasize the terribly sad nature of domestic violence cases, and the totally helpless last few days of Nicole's life. This is what earned the book five stars, for me. His focus? Clear - and not Nicole. But he never dims her light or diminishes her memory. He's respectful.

Beyond that, I couldn't put it down. It's essentially a sort of sociological thriller that should be required reading for lawyers, media moguls, history buffs, true crime buffs, celebrity worshippers, and more. There are twists and turns, jokes, cringeworthy mistakes, clownish characters ... it is high drama in a way only real life can be. Toobin injects a sort of mischievous charm into his words, winking at us and gasping with us when things get weird. And boy, do they.

I was a baby when all this went down, but I grew up in the 90s, and can't remember NOT knowing who O.J. Simpson was. That being said, I always knew him as a murderer. I really enjoyed getting a peek into why his downfall was so shocking and unbelievable for so many - for those who knew him as a star athlete, a golfer, a Hertz spokesperson, an only semi-talented comedic actor. I wish Toobin wrote a sequel, or an additional afterword, tracking Simpson's life after all of this. The continued legal troubles and criminal behavior, the Miami years... Toobin lent such a sharp eye to O.J.'s true character (he rightly paints him as an abusive, semi-literate, materialistic asshole), and I'd love to see him expand on that now.

Holy shit though, can we talk about the trial itself? What a perfect storm of egos and incompetencies. We know that the justice system is an imperfect system because it is a human system, and fuck, this really proves it. How can people be so smart and so dumb? So capable and so arrogant and so intelligent but so un-self-aware? How can people be so ignorant and racist and hopeful and well-intentioned? So brilliant and damaging at the same time?

Back on track: read this book. It's wonderful. It's engaging. It's educational and thrilling and heartbreaking.

The Run of His Life on: Amazon | Goodreads

Review: The Real Lolita

3 stars. I enjoyed reading this, because I'm thirsty for all things Lolita right now. But this book has some issues.

Sarah Weinman writes here what is essentially an extended longread article connecting the kidnapping of Sally Horner to the subject of Nabokov's brilliant and controversial novel Lolita. She frames it almost as an expose - a revelation. Guess what?! She whispers, beckoning us closer: Lolita MAY have been based on a true story! And, upon not getting the reaction she wanted, continues: Nabokov MAY have covered it up! And, even further: Lolita is problematic!

I really appreciate your writing, Sarah, and your dedication to an important and fascinating subject matter. But here's the thing: this book comes across as a smug attempt to pat yourself on the back. So WHAT if Nabokov based his masterpiece on a true story, and covered it up? It's a fantastic footnote! But perhaps not a bombshell. I also think it's safe to say that many of us were not "tricked" into thinking Lolita is a love story, most who think that are not yet mature enough to comprehend the intricacies of the novel.

So perhaps it's not the approach taken here, but the tone. All that being said, the retelling of Sally Horner's story is deftly done, despite a lot of stretching. Sally Horner absolutely deserves attention, and Weinman paints a portrait of the kidnapping and investigation with vivid and appropriate contextual colors. This book overall is very readable, and very thoughtful. I enjoyed the tidbits about Navokov and his writing process. I enjoyed the strengthening of Vera's legacy.

I would recommend this for folks studying Lolita - not, honestly, true crime fans. It makes for a wonderful article and the writing really is quite good. But it doesn't come across as groundbreaking as it tries to.

The Real Lolita on: Amazon | Goodreads

Review: Lolita

2019 CHALLENGE: 1 YOU HAVEN'T READ THAT YET?! PER MONTH 08 / 12

5 stars. I feel like my whole life I've been hearing about what this book is - what it is, what it isn't, why it's genius, why it's criminal, why it's controversial. And now I can absolutely understand the urge to pick it apart, word for word; it certainly inspired a bit of obsession in me. I'm super unsurprised that readers and writers everywhere blindly grasp at Lolita's coattails trying to feel, at least, genius-adjacent.

So here's what Lolita is, for me: a profound, brilliantly-written profile of a rapist and his horrendous crimes. It's unlike anything I've ever read. And it's a captivating read.

[And because the world is ridiculous, I feel like I also have to spell out what Lolita isn't, for me: a tragic romance depicting forbidden love. I'm actually shocked it has been interpreted this way. Not once - not for a single sentence - did I experience any sympathy for the narrator. Not once did I consider Lolita seductive or complicit or consenting. Probably because I read this at an older age, and/or because I'm an ice cold unromantic, but also because, as we can define more easily now, there are many different types of rape, and rapists, and nonconsensual situations.]

The writing in Lolita is just so ... unexpected. The word choice. The dialogue. The completely distinct voices. It exceeded my very high expectations. I feel fulfilled. I feel like opening it up to page 1 and starting over. I feel like opening it up to a random page and dissecting a random paragraph. There are images here that will stick with me forever. I'm gushing and obnoxious and I know everyone already knows how great it is but I just loved it.

There is a thread of a fascinating theme here that I think is left unexplored sometimes: people, naturally, can't really be cleanly categorized into good and evil. There are certain extreme acts of great generosity or great harm that can put an individual in either, but for the most part, good people are quite capable of bad things, and criminals are quite capable of good things. I AM NOT EXCUSING A RAPIST, I'm trying to point out that Nabokov painted Humbert Humbert as a layered monster. Peeking into his brain is just so damn interesting. Lolita explores his inner nature ("He is horrible, he is abject, he is a shining example of moral leprosy...") with utter delight.

I think I'm going to read this again. Soon. It’s absolutely gorgeous.

Lolita on: Amazon | Goodreads

Retro Review: Zodiac

When I started this blog, I had been posting reviews on Goodreads for about 6 months. In the interest of having all of my book writing in one place, I will post one of these old reviews every Friday. They weren't written with a blog in mind, so please forgive the lack of summary and off-the-cuff tone.

4 stars. My reaction to this book: okay, what the actual fuck. 

Truth is stranger than fiction, indeed. 

Fans of true crime will really enjoy (?) this classic book detailing the crimes of the legendary zodiac killer, a man whose identity is still unknown. I could barely put it down despite the anxiety, discomfort and fear I felt while reading. I mean, I had nightmares. 

The story of the zodiac killer is attractive to obsessives, I think, because he exhibits so much obsession himself. The codes, the clues, the patterns, the timeline, the victims … he set out to say something, to send a message, and Robert Graysmith is committed - I mean really, really committed - to discovering the truth. There are so many different ways to examine the case: psychologically, sociologically, emotionally, medically … the murders occurred during an interesting time in American history and Graysmith could’ve easily filled the story with sweeping social observations about the end of an era (similar to the way the Manson murders ushered in the “end of the 60s”). Instead, he sticks to the cold hard facts because, well, they are fascinating. And horrible. 

Don’t read this for prose or plot or academic insight. Read this if, like me, you can’t resist staring into the face of pure evil. 

Zodiac on: Amazon | Goodreads

Review: Sherwood

3 stars. Annoyed. I really enjoyed Hunted but found this lacking. I knew almost immediately that I wasn't in the right mood for something that felt so incredibly YA, but I tried to give it a fair chance. Here's why it didn't work, for me:

1. I don't believe in young love, or even true love. I KNOW, I'm ice cold. But I simply cannot. Cannot. Wrap my head around the idea of two kids being in love. Infatuation? Of course! I don't mean to be rude, I'm just saying I couldn't relate. I thought I knew what love was at 16. I did not. In my experience, that's sort of true for everyone. Ah, youths.

2. I was supremely bothered by Robin's "voice" haunting Marian's mind and passing along guidance, like an amateur Obi Wan. I don't know, it just didn't feel like a mature facet of Marion's character growth. Romantic? Maybe. I recognize that this was a device that represented her grief and her growth. It just made me roll my eyes.

3. It was a little too on the nose with the gender stuff. I 100% support the message, just not the execution. My head is really sore from being beaten by that stick. Why yes, it is easier to fight the bad guys in pants. Please spell it out for me, this is groundbreaking. [Clarification: I absolutely adored the message and the underlying themes here.]

4. I love the idea of a gender-flipped Robin Hood, but didn't enjoy the specifics of the premise. Robin's ... ghost? What?

5. One of the primary antagonists was physically scarred, and his disfigurement was frequently highlighted as a feature of his villainy. So was his ambition, and intelligence. I'm not comfortable with this. I know, I know ... it turned out alright in the end. But I initially wanted to label this as problematic.

Here's the thing though (and perhaps I should've led with this) - by the end of it all, I was REALLY into it. I couldn't put it down. Marian really is such a badass and there were some seriously awesome twists and turns. The story of Robin Hood is super irresistible to begin with and I got way caught up in the fighting and the romance and the idea that symbols can inspire revolutions.

Even my cold, cold heart is positively delighted by an archery contest.

I do recommend this. I just don't think I was in the mood, to start.

Also, the ending is very abrupt.

Sherwood on: Amazon | Goodreads

Retro Review: The Alienist

When I started this blog, I had been posting reviews on Goodreads for about 6 months. In the interest of having all of my book writing in one place, I will post one of these old reviews every Friday. They weren't written with a blog in mind, so please forgive the lack of summary and off-the-cuff tone.

4 stars. I read this years ago and picked it up again to prepare for the miniseries. I just love it. Carr magically incorporates a ton of historical detail without bogging the story down - in fact, he elevates it. It’s incredible.

The sense of realism is, actually, its distinguishing factor for me. The authenticity is what makes this different from your run-of-the-mill historical mystery novel. It has everything typically found in crime fiction: horrific murders, exciting chase scenes, a theatrical climax ... but this does not feel like a novel written decades after the action - it feels like a novel written by someone who was actually there. 

Docked a star for melodrama and for the implausible open-mindedness of the main characters. But The Alienist is a spectacular accomplishment and a classic. Don't shy away from the length or the occasionally dry language because the story is worth your investment. It feels academic and scholarly but it's highly entertaining. I recommend for fans of New York, for fans of history, and for fans of good old-fashioned detective work.

The Alienist on: Amazon | Goodreads

Review: Dare Me

4 stars. Dreamy. Smooth and silky like milk chocolate. More like dark chocolate - something with a slight bitter tingle. It doesn't remind me at all of my own adolescence; Megan Abbott painted something entirely new for me. But the slimy threads of emotion, and the extremes, are familiar. The impulses, the obsession, the rage, the fear and fascination - the knowledge that, as a young woman, you have no idea what you're doing, and you're terrified it'll show. Dare Me is all that and more.

Addy Hanlon has always been second-in-command to her BFF and captain of the cheer squad, Beth. But when a beautiful new coach arrives, enthralling and inspiring the girls, Beth feels threatened and lashes out accordingly. Addy spends the course of the novel completely ruled by her confusion as the battle unfolds; she's torn between her intense loyalty to Beth and the promise of something dangerously attractive from her coach. A bunch of vicious, dieting, female, teenage athletes? What could go wrong?

With Megan Abbott at the wheel, absolutely nothing. Her writing is so melodic, so interesting. I couldn't put it down. She does female rage so well, that's no secret, but I felt like she properly conveyed female desire here as well. Sometimes, especially as a teenage girl, you just want. You want power or control or attention or sex or revenge or more from life and you don't even know why or how but it drives you completely. I thought that was written quite well here.

And female friendships of course, ugly and beautiful and fleeting.

My girl crush on Megan Abbott (have you SEEN her Instagram feed?) only grows.

Dare Me on: Amazon | Goodreads

Review: The Little Stranger

4 stars. Absolutely wonderful. I can't get enough of Sarah Waters' writing, and she really nailed it with The Little Stranger. First of all, it's right up my alley: a creepy, haunted mansion tale with echoes of Rebecca and Dickens and even Jane Eyre. It's about a doctor who cares for and eventually gets to know a small, formerly wealthy family: Roderick, young soldier injured in the war, Caroline, his sister, and their mother. The family seems nice enough, and the good doctor is completely enamored with their house, Hundreds Hall (good name for a house). But then strange things start happening - unexplained noises, objects being moved, footsteps in the hall - causing each member of the family to unravel in destructive and tragic ways.

Character-wise, Waters stuns. Her protagonists often make well-intentioned but ignorant choices, and the doctor is no different: he demonstrates a very human and very complicated (and very male) lack of self-awareness. I love reading about individuals like that - I rooted for him, I rolled my eyes at him, I was compelled to stick with him until the very end. And the way she writes women (women as products, as victims, under pressure, as strong individuals, capable of great love and great harm) is out of control outstanding. Each character is distinct and charming and gorgeous on paper.

Plot-wise, The Little Stranger is dense, but I wanted more. All of her books are like that - you don't realize you're reading a pageturner because the writing is so detailed and sort of ... steady, and slow. But the heartbeat of this is absolutely addictive. Her pacing is phenomenal.

Theme-wise, insert all the heart-eyed emojis here. The "scares" are few, and very traditional, but they got me. I was sufficiently creeped out. The end gave me chills; I jumped at every noise after putting this down. The ambiguity is absolutely lovely, and left me with a delightful sense of curiosity and wonder. What exactly do we mean when we say "haunted house" ? How do we deal, emotionally, when a house changes around us, falls into disrepair, becomes a source of stress rather than comfort? When the damage creeps inward? Where does that negative energy go? Ugh, I loved it. Henry James, eat your heart out.

Docked a star, per my hard and fast rule, for a UDD (Unnecessary Dog Death). You've been warned.

The Little Stranger on: Amazon | Goodreads