Review: Hex

3 stars. What an emotionally devastating, incredible, awful, painful, original story. I have no idea how to process this because honestly, aside from feeling disturbed (in kind of a good way), I'm also really annoyed and frustrated with a certain something.

But first - this book is about a small town in New York that has a ghost. Her name is Katherine, and she sticks around because the residents unjustifiably tortured and killed her in the town's original days of the 1600s. After generations of learning to live with her threatening presence, something in the air is shifting - and the reckless actions of a few lead to unimaginable, widespread tragedy for many. 

Being dropped into this world takes some getting used to, but I loved everything about it. The normal that the residents of Black Creek experience is still normal, it's just slightly askew. They use technology and tradition and a strong social contract to keep things as orderly as possible. I loved the sense of something bubbling under the surface; that felt very King-ish to me as did the multiple perspectives.

Odd perspectives to choose though, eh? Couldn't really care for, or relate to, any of the main characters - but maybe that was the point. Other reviewers seemed quick to point out some weird choices re: certain female characters, and descriptions of certain female body parts. Sure, I found it odd but... maybe not offensive. 

That being said.

*SPOILERS BELOW*

GUYS. LADIES. AUTHORS OF THE WORLD. Enough with the dead dogs! PLEASE. I am begging you. I love horror, it's what I read almost exclusively now, I love scary books, scary movies, the whole damn community... but PLEASE. No more dead dogs! Believe it or not - there are other horrors. Other ways to catch your reader emotionally. Just like things can happen to women that aren't motherhood, things can happen that are scary and don't involve the fucking dog. I'm livid. I skimmed through a whole chapter, missing important shit, because of this. Sure, I know I should've checked the TWs and that it's my responsibility and my sensitivity and my problem etc. etc. etc. but this is really more of a frustration with the authors of the world: I am begging you, FIND ANOTHER WAY. I wanted to love this book - I was so excited to read it - and honestly, I might have to dock two full stars because it was so CREATIVE and then it wasn't. It was cliche. 

*SPOILERS END*

So. I'm giving this book 1 star for premise, which is brilliant and frankly something I wish I had come up with myself. I'm giving it another star for being unpredictable. At no point did I know what was going to happen next or what to expect. And I'm giving it a final star for the ending. If I were feeling a little more generous, I'd maybe consider giving it one more for being, generally and horribly, right. I fully agree with many of the themes, and also admire the way he writes about parenthood, marriage, grief and depression, and also mass hysteria and that specific type of human madness that leads us to turn on each other. God, we're always turning on each other, aren't we? Absolutely doomed.

Read - seriously, I beg of you - cautiously.

Hex on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: The Family Plot

3 stars. This was really cute, and will definitely scratch anyone itching for a haunted house situation. I haven't read anything by Cherie Priest before, but I'm super excited to try some of her other books. The Family Plot almost read like a movie - like a very classic, mid-budget horror film with all the dependable scares and respectable twists. 

On the verge of bankruptcy, family firm Music City Salvage decides to risk it all on an old estate in Chattanooga. Tough girl Dahlia, her cousin Bobby, her nephew Gabe and her inexperienced colleague Brad are assigned to the job, for which they decide to camp out until they can drive away with their money's worth. Obviously, expectedly, inevitably... things do not go to plan. Footsteps in the dust, locked doors, a random cemetery, and all-around evil vibes? Find out what happens when the group does not GTFO when they should.

I really liked Dahlia! What an excellent heroine - I rooted for her and loved her attitude and approach to things. I loved the entire group dynamic, actually... kind of an unusual cast of characters, which kept things fresh and fun and worth the investment. A lot of the details, some of which did definitely bog down the plot and screamed for editing, lent to the high stakes and made the story feel quirky and fleshed out. 

I also loved the house! Priest does an excellent job describing the setting and making things atmospheric. My nose was itching when she talked about all the dust. Seems like she did her research on old houses too, and the salvage business. I feel like I learned something and gained a new appreciation for the worth of old things.

Ultimately, though, this felt like more of a mystery to me, and the scares were just okay - not really that scary. I'm still a little unclear about all the ghostly motivations and who did what/why/how. Like maybe the scary moments were written first, and then the author had to write up some characters and history to fit them? Regardless, this was a really fun read and I recommend it.

The Family Plot on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: Penpal

4 stars. I'm gonna sit on that rating, though, and retain the right to revisit it after a few days. I docked a star for an UCD (instead of an UDD), and for the writing itself, but I may be considering things a little too superficially. I knew it was going to be devastating - everyone warned me it would be devastating - but I wasn't quite expecting that. This is an incredibly impressive book. Twisted, but impressive.

Adopted from a series of submissions to r/nosleep, Penpal tells the story of a man recollecting a series of bizarre and terrifying events he experienced as a child. It's a puzzle - the stories unfold in a non-linear fashion - but it comes together eventually as he connects the dark dots. It's also about the tragedy of growing up, coming-of-age, loss of innocence, fading friendships... all that good stuff and more.

I tell you what, similar to my reaction to S2 of The White Lotus: I had a lot of theories, and all of them were wrong. The author had me pinballing against so many possibilities: demons, aliens, multiple dimensions, time travel, ghosts, dissociative identities, multiple personalities, PTSD, mental illness, amnesia... all of them were wrong. And what was left, after opening and closing all those doors? Literally the most terrifying option imaginable.

Yes, this absolutely feels like a series of reddit posts. The writing doesn't feel... the way writing usually does in a book. Also, the boys never really act their ages. At first I was annoyed by it - who does this guy think he is - and then I melted into it and realized the style actually lends itself to the story. I got obsessed, and couldn't put it down. I can't imagine how it must have felt to read this stuff online, and how incredible the conclusion must've been. I'm sure the novel feels bloated in comparison, but IMO the fleshed out details are what make you feel safe before you get to a point where you have to fill in the horrifying gaps yourself.

Speaking of, I'm off to study some stuff about this so I can learn more and sort through my thoughts. BRB.

Back! Wow, sometimes the internet truly is an amazing thing.

Anyway, I'm not afraid to admit I was creeped out reading. This book feels super, super dark in a way, almost cursed, like I don't want to touch it ever again. Like I want to purge it from my Kindle or burn it or something. Like it hits something that even me, a huge horror true crime fan - the darker the better - doesn't want to know about. 

YEEK.

Penpal on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: How to Sell a Haunted House

5 stars. This is by FAR my favorite Grady Hendrix book - irresistible, campy, fresh, full of darkness and depth and emotional triggers. I absolutely loved it. I went in almost totally blind and I know it's nearly impossible at this point, but try if you can/if you dare. Read it in 2 days. Couldn't put it down. And it actually gave me the creeps, which is more than I can say for 99% of other horror books I read.

It's a masterful use of tropes: Louise, single mom and separated from her family, gets the call that both her parents have died in a car accident. She has to leave her daughter and return home to make arrangements - and almost immediately runs aground thanks to her troubled brother. As they navigate their grief and fight over assets, something becomes very clear: their parents' house is haunted. 

Broad strokes? It's a little predictable. But the moment-to-moment journey is sheer, crackling, creepy, breathless chaos. The minute you realize something is wrong - really, really wrong, like more wrong than facing the horror of losing loved ones - it feels like a joyful punch in the face. And it only gets better from there.

I personally have never had an aversion to clowns or puppets or dolls, but I totally get why others do, and now I get it EVEN MORE. Omg the attic noises ("soft thumps") and the descriptions of the dead eyes and mischievous smiles and the whole damn thing from idea to premise to execution was pretty much perfect. Grady Hendrix's writing really reminded me of Stephen King in this book, with a better sense of humor. And yeah, it's fucking hilarious.

I borrowed this from the library but will purchase immediately so my person can read it (he is one of those people who does really hate dolls) but he'll also love it. I'm sure many reviews will touch on the trauma aspect of it all - childhood trauma, trauma as an adult, trauma as a parent, the trauma of having parents who are just damn weird (raises hand) - and definitely read all that. It's important and lends to the brilliance of the story. But I think I'll just keep sitting here cackling with glee over what a fucking fun ride that was.

How to Sell a Haunted House on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: Wounds

5 stars. I'm really excited about this. Ever since I was a kid, I've really loved books that make me feel a sense of possibility, or maybe it's like... an open creativeness. Innovative storytelling. It took me ages to get through all of the stories, but that shouldn't reflect poorly on them (I quit my job!); in a way they have sort of served as perfect antidotes to all the life stress. I love horror, and I especially love horror about hell.

The Atlas of Hell - starting off with an absolute southern noir banger. I was into this instantly and couldn't take my eyes away.

The Diabolist - the least memorable of the stories for me, but very cute and the way he unfurls this world is just fascinating and well-done. 

Skullpocket - somewhat sad, to me, but also darkly funny? This one had me settling in and really learning what to expect from him.

The Maw - I can't review this because I skimmed it. Was basically crying immediately. TWs, people! From what I could gather, it's pretty genius in an evil way. 

The Visible Filth - he writes New Orleans perfectly, I think. Solid premise, excellent execution, nearly perfect ending. This is probably the one that will stick with me. 

The Butcher's Table - Pirates of the Caribbean in hell! The crossover I never knew I needed until now. This story surprised me with its depth of emotion and humanity. Cosmic and otherworldly and epic but also grounded in feelings such as fear, love and acceptance. Also absolutely, incredibly beautiful. Some of the imagery took my breath away.

I think it's really important - I should say, to my personal enjoyment of a story - to strike a balance when writing cosmic. Similar to the purpose of the dinner table scene in Jaws, if you're going to go big and wild and crazy and out there, you need a tether to something. Ballingrud does this in a way that feels almost effortless. I felt comfortably strapped in for this creative roller coaster ride.

Plus it contains so many of the things I love: New Orleans, iron boxes, grand entrances, creepy candles, evil cell phones, dark carnivals, rbar fights, redheads...

Highly, highly recommend.

Wounds on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found

5 stars. Okay. Thinking through things, I guess it's fair to say that the end of 2022 got really challenging and I really lost my mojo, so to speak. I'm exhausted. My brain is still kind of in recovery mode, operating in fits and starts and not at all at full capacity. I'm still reading Wounds and loving it, but in a moment of sheer panic I picked up this throwback and absolutely loved it.

For many recent years, this book flew around in the back of my mind, but I couldn't remember any specific details. Finally I Googled something like "young adult novel comic book uncle rat margaret" and the internet delivered. I bought a second-hand copy from a library immediately. Between Top Gun and Willow and National Treasure, there's a lot of delicious nostalgia to go around, and this was no different.

This is kind of a classic coming-of-age story about a girl named Margaret and her younger sister Sophie. After their father died in a horrible drowning tragedy a few years ago, their mother sunk into a deep depression (depicted fairly and sensitively) and the family exists on a sort of quiet, day-to-day survival basis. Then, one day, their mother piles them in the car and they drive to an old mansion in the middle of nowhere and stick a for sale sign on the lawn. Margaret and Sophie are spooked and curious and decide to follow the clues to find answers about the house and their dad, and end up making a few friends along the way.

Like I said, I loved it. It's vivid and funny and creative and fresh, with wonderful characters and unpredictable plotlines. I think it stuck with me for all these years because it's really spooky, too. It obviously tickled my interests back then as it would now. I adored the ending. The book contains a few comic book illustrations and they are delightful. Little Kelly had excellent taste.

How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

2022 in Reading

— Y E A R I N R E V I E W —

I am barely alive.

Classic and Lovely: The Bear and the Nightingale
Subtle, Scary, Satisfying: Dark Matter
The Main Character did WHAT: We Sold Our Souls
Plot Twist Party: The Chestnut Man
Stranger Than Fiction: Dark Histories: Season Four
Fuck Yeah Feminism: A Certain Hunger
Biggest Disappointment: Dead Silence (it wasn’t that bad, but it wasn’t as good as I was hoping)
Best Discovery: Six Stories
Biggest Mindfuck: Cunning Folk
Most Satisfying Reread: Harriet the Spy
Tried Too Hard: Wild Fell
Quintessentially Kelly: Danse Macabre
No Regrets: Nothing But Blackened Teeth

TOP 5:

5) Slewfoot by Brom. The year I discovered Brom! I inhaled this fun, creative, vivid story and immediately bought a book of his art. Couldn’t be more thrilled to say I received the hardcover for Christmas.

4) The Necromancer’s House by Christopher Buehlman is swinging in at fourth because I was totally caught off guard by it. I had no idea what to expect and it left me breathless. This book beautifully explores deeply human themes (addiction, love, sacrifice, loss) in weird and imaginative ways. Highly recommend.

3) Boy Parts by Eliza Clark absolutely slayed. A lesson in perfect pacing, plotting and editing. Just a vibe all around. Obsession, art, and an unreliable narrator? *Chef’s kiss* This author is one to watch…

2) Bone White by Ronald Malfi made me really happy. I just adore horror like this - full of the tropes I love utilized in bone-chilling ways. From my review: “Wintery supernatural small town horror is such a huge turn-on for me and this one checks all the boxes.”

1) Between Two Fires by Christopher Buehlman OMG one author has 2 books in my top 5? Obviously he’s some sort of superhuman who deserves it. This book is so, so, so big on Reddit as it should be. I finished it in the first week of 2022 and I knew immediately it would take the top spot on this list. I’m circling a re-read TBH. This book is everything. It makes everything okay.

I read a lot less this year than… well, maybe ever. I made a professional change that sucked up all of my energy and I… lost my way. It happens, and I forgive myself. I’ve learned a lot. I don’t know what 2023 will bring, but I need it to be better. It will be. As for reading, I’d like to branch out of my usual genres, read more nonfiction, and read more books I loved as a kid. Re-reading Harriet the Spy was really invigorating and enjoyable and kicked my mood up a notch. I can happily trust Little Kelly’s taste. So, more of that to come.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Review: Slewfoot

5 stars. My first Brom and definitely not my last. The Witch meets Pan's Labyrinth with a splash of Clive Barker, maybe. This book is an absolutely delicious horrific fairy tale that showcases brilliant, vivid writing and a fierce female protagonist I loved. It's not exactly subtle with its teachings or its lessons, but once I embraced the flying brick approach I truly enjoyed myself.

Life for young Abitha in the New World is hard - the land is tough to manage, debts are mounting, winter is coming and the pressures of Puritan society are impossibly stifling. She and her husband are just getting by when her brother-in-law decides he needs their land to pay of his own debts. But there's something about the land that nobody knows: something ancient, underground... something that's waking up.

As the summary says, enter Slewfoot. Powerful and broken, this horned creature stumbles back into the world with nothing but confused memories and an awareness of his own great power. Drawn to Abitha and the abilities inherited from her mother, together they delight in the bounty their power creates and discover its terrible cost.

Editor's note: at this point in writing this review the author became deathly ill with a mystery non-Covid illness that will now be known as knife throat. 6 excruciating days of fever dreams and not swallowing later, she returned to her drafts to find the below bullet points which she intended to turn into paragraphs but decided to leave as is.

• Power is a big theme in this story and it is terrifically explored.

• Brutal twists and turns.

• Fantastically satisfying ending.

• Down with the patriarchy.

I think that pretty much sums it up.

Post-knife throat note: I bought a book of Brom's art and can't look away. Highly recommend for interesting background, including his experience painting for games.

Slewfoot on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: The Necromancer's House

5 stars. I am obsessed with this book. I had to re-read the first couple of chapters because of life getting in the way, but once I fell down the rabbit hole there was no climbing back out. I was absolutely gripped by the story and the writing… I thought about it when I was falling asleep and when I woke up in the mornings. I’m considering re-reading it immediately. I can see this book wiggling its way into my life and inspiring references, returns to highlighted quotes, maybe even passwords. I’m definitely about to buy it for myself in all formats.

Andrew Ranulf Blankenship (excellent name) is a skilled user of magic and recovering alcoholic. He has - inadvertently, it seems - developed a sort of found family consisting of other users and the creatures and demons brought about by his spells. When an associate (poor choice of words but you get the drift) of his kills a Russian man, his mother - who turns out to be a very old nemesis of Andrew’s - comes to America for revenge. 

And this particular brand of revenge is… brutal. Andrew’s friends are severely threatened or picked off one by one in fantastically unique, magical ways. It reminded me of a slasher at times, because I was always ready and waiting for the next creative kill (as painful as they were). In fact most of the book is, essentially, Andrew’s enemy winning, and Andrew barely surviving at great, great cost. It’s a little too brutal at times.

But the writing - oh man, so good. Reminded me of Stephen King a little bit, with its incredible dialogue and clipped sentence structure. Was better than Stephen King at times, with its pacing and plotting and intentional weirdness. King is great at weird; Buehlman is superb at weird. Nothing about this apparently complex world of magic was too difficult to grasp. Everything unfurled in a brilliantly comprehensible - enjoyable - way.

I do want to point out one little fact that had me screaming in joy: this book scared me. Actually scared me. I read a ton of horror and watch a ton of horror and I’m always looking for the next thing that’ll make me feel something, really feel something, for once. And this book got me there. (For anyone curious: it was the scene where Andrew and Anneke are watching the infected video tape.) It also made me cry. 

Let’s talk about that, because around here it’s pretty obvious that I can’t handle a certain type of animal death which is really any type of animal death. It’s partly just an annoying trigger, but also there’s so much of that in horror it almost feels tired, like authors are taking the easy way out or clear advantage of a common and obvious fear. There’s a reason why it’s a trope, but the way it’s utilized often feels bothersome - unnecessary - to me. Which is why I typically dock a star for the UDD (the unnecessary dog death). 

I sensed this one coming, and immediately fast forwarded the next three pages of my Kindle, but it was too late. I caught enough of it to start tearing up, and then really crying, on a plane of all places. It’s gotten worse since I got a dog myself. Just tears and tears and tears. And every time I thought about after - tears. I got worried I wouldn’t be able to write this review because I felt so sensitive about it. And so in this case, I really had to think about the utilization of the trope. Was it necessary? Was it done for the sake of being shocking, or did it truly have a narrative purpose? Another example of a tricky one would be The Shining Girls. IYKYK.

At the end of the day I can’t dock a star. It’s too brilliant and too amazing and isn’t it a testament to the writing that I felt so incredibly crushed and exhilarated by Sal’s bittersweet ending? He teased it so many times, he warned us, we knew it was coming. And he twisted the blade there, and oh no… now I’m crying again.

Thank you for sitting through that with me. You’ve been warned. ANYHOO, please, please read this book. I am more and more convinced that this is a fundamental text of horror - a must-read for anyone looking for something refreshing, funny, scary, creative, and deeply, deeply real, at times, for a book about magic. It’s a book for anyone struggling - for anyone who feels like life keepings throwing them punches, one after another, punches of loss, addiction, regret, guilt, rejection… for anyone who feels like punching back for once. The ending is quite satisfying, in that sense.

The Necromancer’s House on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads

Review: We Sold Our Souls

4 stars. Unexpectedly brutal! I did not expect this to get so dark and uncomfortable. After reading all of Grady Hendrix's books, I can report that this one was the least funny and made me the most squeamish. But I definitely didn't enjoy it any less than his others... it has his characteristic stellar premise with all that random plotting/pacing I've grown to love. Keeps things fresh and unexpected even when I'm like, wait how did we all end up here? Where did this well thing come from? What the f actually happened at the end there?

We Sold Our Souls tells the story of Kris Pulaski, ex-guitar player, living her worst nightmare of a sad life after her almost-made-it tale ends horribly. The members of her old band have all moved on after their singer went solo and catapulted to enormous success, and she is stuck in a mediocre, music-less existence. When she snaps and decides to try to take back her old life with a side of revenge, she's terrified to discover that there's more to the situation than meets the eye, and her own path takes her deeper and darker than even the heaviest metal. It's a good time.

I thought it was a little strange that the primary antagonist was absent for most of the book. But maybe that fits with the exploration of regret and nostalgia and feeling haunted by things from your past - things that are long gone and far from actively present in your life. And maybe the actual antagonist was there... all along. Hmmmm. That's the other thing I would mention - this book is really thought-provoking and interesting in addition to being creepy and entertaining. It's very well-written and reminded me of Stephen King at times!! Badass!!

Highly suggest reading the TWs for this one - especially if you are claustrophobic, which I am not but still got a little breathless during a certain sequence. It's also worth reading carefully for Easter Eggs and other clever details. Then again, embracing the chaos is kinda fun too.

We Sold Our Souls on: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Goodreads